Sad?! Jealous?! Angry?! I'm confused

Things change totally when you started clubbing.

I used to be very proud to say that my bf don't club.

Now I can't say that anymore.

I know you just want to have fun and enjoy yourself.

While you are enjoying am I?

While you are enjoying what am I doing?

Rotting at home staring at the phone waiting for your text.

Tonight clubbing again.

haiz..

Tomorrow you have work.

Yes I remember I promised that I will not stop you from clubbing.

But condition is the next day you have nothing on.

You agree with me too don't you?

Then what's this?

I had told you about this sales for few weeks.

Yet you are dragging the time to go out.

You promised that after my O levels you will bring me out for shopping.

From the reaction I got just now when I tell you about the sales and flea

I can see that you don't feel like going.

I know now everything in your mind is club.

Go which club, what time and whatever.

You no longer bring me out to places where will make me happy.

Now we are always going places where your sister ask you to go and the places you want to go.

If that day ben never tell me about the drinking before you all go club,

I don't think on that day I will be able to see you.

You know I can't club but you go so often like that's your second house.

You know I don't let you club when the next day you had plans.

But you go and just shut my mouth by "I can de, really. I promise you I wouldt drink too much"

I quietly accept your answer doesn't mean that there is nothing wrong.

It's because I does not want to ruin your mood.

Sometimes I know that it's my fault but I just want to see if you will just let go and let me win.

I want to know if you will quarrel with me because of small things.

Why does you always talk to me very nicely when you need help and talk loudly whenever you don't need?

I know you expect more from me, I know you want me to change.

But sometimes can you make the changes?

If I can't hear you properly all the times, other than scolding me and so on

why don't you try to talk slower and clearer?

Can't you?

Your temper is hard to control, I don't want to get scream by you all the times.

I don't want to feel numb of those things.

Because when I feel numb means I would't do anything anymore.

Make me still need you in my life.

Make me can't live without you.

Make me feel like before..

I know time can't rewind and you can't stop clubbing now .

Remember, what you are doing might be the things I will do in future.

I didn't stop you, so don't stop me by that time.

You should know this very well.

I told you many times about this.

This is how I think about relation with people.

How you want people to treat you, then treat the person that way.

Shall stop now, getting tired of typing although many things is still in my mind.

Just dunno what to write, because my mind is so confused now.

Bloody hell brain.

*Hoping you will be back soon, so can go out.

If I have nothing to bye why will I want to go and shop?

True?

nevermind, now your brain only have clubbing.

Talking to myself?

It's normal, because I always do that cause you never listen to what I say. :')

Would't be blogging that soon or never will. Cause house no internet. :(

SAD LIFE!

Can't club!

Can't shop!

Can't tweet!

Can't fb!

Can't online shopping!

Can't webby!

Can'tblog!

Can't get what I want.

Pathetic? I think so too.

Speechless

I'm disappointed with you and myself..

I realize that my words mean nothing to you..

I realize that after 9months and 9days, I still does not have the power to change you..

For you, I had change so much..

But I don't see you changing for me..

Or you did but I didn't realize???

Whatever I say seems to be crap..

I know you always say the things I say is bullshit.

But at least listen to some ah.. :(

I'm already very tired of nagging.

You think I like to nag at you??

I nag at you because I care for you

I care for you therefore I get angry.

I cry because I felt sad when we quarrel..

I restrict you from having much contact with other girls because I scared you might leave me.

I am scared because I love you to much that I can't afford you to leave..

Please dear, realize it and make the effort to change before I really get tired..

Before I really let go everything and don't care about anything please do something..

I get angry when you say you going lan

because I want you to study..

Because you have paper tomorrow.

You know it but you still go lan..

I get angry but that does not seem to change anything..

You said play for awhile, but how long has it been...

Few hours...

That few hours you can use it for studying but you didn't

I hate it when my words seems useless..

Because it does not make me feel like a girlfriend..

I hate it when you shout at me in the morning when I called..

It makes me feel that what I did was not appreciated..

I wants to ignore you and let you sleep and be late.

But I can't bear to do that..

How useless am I?

I have been wondering this for quite sometime..

I just can't fit to be a girlfriend..

I am useless, stupid, blur and also brainless..

Forget it..

Bye~

I'm tired :'(

I'm really tired already..

Tired of hinting you what I want and what I does not like to see you doing..

You never listen to what I say..

Every time you will just use your decision to cover over mine..

Do you know that sometimes I just need you to listen to me..

Can you just let me feel a sense of existing?

I listen to you, I do what you want..

Can you do the same?

I did those because I expect you to do the same to..

I am your girlfriend...

Should't you listen to me sometimes?

I ask you come meet me take your uncle's shoe,

you say I keep ask you meet me, and I should encourage you to study.

I admit that I should't do that.

I know I am wrong..

I apologise, I said sorry..

But why your sis ask you go buy bbq stuff and you just went?

I didn't insist to meet you today because I really want you to have time to study..

I tell you can buy the stuffs on Saturday or Friday after your exam..

But after that what you say?

Cause your sis say buy it today..

Is it because today your sis and her bf free so ask you go buy?

I guess it is, even if is not,

Still think that she is a bit too selfish..

You are preparing for exams yet she ask you to go buy stuffs?

That time also, ask you go play.. -,-"

Both event, I tried to stop you..

I tried to convince you not to go..

But after all, I guess your sister is still at a higher level than me

that her words you can listen and my words are like bullshit..

You know what you should do, but you still listen to your sis..

I really dunno what to say..

I know she is your family member of course I can't win her..

But you also should know what is right and what is wrong right?

Will playing help you get As?

Will buying bbq stuff help you get As?

No right?

I know with my lousy results I have no rights to say you..

But as a girlfriend I should have the basic rights bah???

I get angry, and you just let me be..

Maybe after that, ask me why? Don't like that..

Do you know why am I angry not??

Did you make the effort to change not?

Sorry, I forgotten..

You don't even listen to what I say why will you change when I ask you to do so..

Am I right?

I want you to be sweet and romantic and thoughtful and caring and understanding..

This might be a bit too over, but I just need some from each of it..

Don't have to be perfect in all, but at least get the basic of all..

Nothing much to say already..

Because what I always say is the same..

That is also because you are doing the same thing over and over again.

Just that I did not point out only..

Nights.. Lonely night..

Sleep without you looking again..

Lets see what time I can get into sleep..

Looking back, Wishing you were there. -041211

When i left, I had been looking back a few times..

Wishing that you will run after me, at least bring me to the bus stop..

It's raining, I wore slipper..

I nearly fall, I have no one to grab hold on..

I wore shirt and shorts.

I felt cold, I have no one to hug..

I at least turn back 10times when I was on my way to the bus stop..

From the moment I left the table.. I had already turn back a few times..

The moment when I tell you I going home soon.

You look away.. At that moment I felt ignored..

I left, without a Goodbye kiss from you.

I left without a Goodbye hug from you.

I left without a proper Goodbye from you.

I left with a lonely heart and cold body..

On the bus, the journey seems to be extended..

It seems like it is taking forever to reach..

I am freezing on the bus..

Hugging myself hope it helps..

But it's useless..

My toes and nose and fingers are all numb because of the coldness..

Only you can make me feel warm..

Only your hug and help me get rid of all those numb..

Only your touch will make me feel that I am gonna be alright..

Helpless

I feel so cold and helpless..

I just need some respect from you,

I know you have your plans, I know you think for yourself.

I believe that you know what you are doing..

But all I want is you listen to me sometimes..

I just want to make myself useful to you..

I want to find a reason to stay by your side..

I remember those things you tell me during my exam period.

I remember how serious you are which change me totally..

I changed because I listen to you, I think about the things you told me..

I reflect and know what I had did is wrong..

because of you, I turn back in time..

Although it's late but better then never. Right?

No matter what results come out also doesn't matter, because I know I had did my very best..

All I want is to give you support during your last year.

I know this is a very important period to you just like during my O levels.

You were always by my side, although you scold me quite often because I want to see you badly.

But I know by enduring I can achieve more..

Because I believe that listen to you will never go wrong..

I become more mature after we get together..

All my friends and family sense a different in me, and there is when I know I can't live without you.

Because you are the support in my life, without you

it will be like a table without 4 legs and a human without a heart..

Without you I will not know what I really want and what I should do..

You pull me through all tough times..

You go through all those horrible things without leaving me,

although you wanted to leave me twice.

But I am grateful, because I manage to pull you back..

All I want is you stay by my side..

You are my energy, you are my life..

You are like the air around me, which I can't afford to lose..

You are the one I want to be with..

You are the one I want to spend my rest of my life with.

You might think that I think too far,

but to tell you I even think about marriage.. :)

You might have not think about it because you does not have the confident to last with me till that moment.

But I have faith in us,

I have faith in our relationship..

I believe that all those things we had gone through will make us stronger

will make us cherish each other even more..

Because I do..

That's why I start to tell you what I expect and what I does not want to see..

You might find it hard to get used to it.

But I believe, what I ask for is what I have been doing.

That is also the reason why I will ask for it, because I had did it..

I may still make mistake, but I have been trying my best to do things well

I had been trying hard to do what you expect to see..

So please, do something for me..

Make me feel that I am something to you.

Make me feel that I worth, those changes from you..

I always want you to change your attitude towards your family,

that is because I want your parents to think positive of me..

I want to show them that I can change you.

I want to show that we are so in love that our love can change each other..

You know what I mean?

That is my intention..

It is tough to face your parents with a smiley face because I will always get the same reaction..

You never know, and you will always say " just go ah. scared what?"

You does not know how much courage I have to take to look into their eyes and smile and say " Uncle, Auntie"

This two words cause my heart to stop for few seconds...

I hope you can understand me more, and know what I want..

I wish you will not give up and run away.

Because I did not give up and I stay strong at this position..

So don't get someone to replace me..

I love you; I really do ♥

Moodless~

It's just torturing to miss you.. :(

We hardly meet, both of us busy with work and you have your studies and exams too..

I know this is not the time to disturb you..

It has been quite some time since we are out for a day..

I miss those days where we can spend lots of time on each other..

I miss those days... Do you?

Recently, just feel that you change quite a bit.

Don't know why recently wants you to get rid of all your bad habits..

example, sleep late and wake up late and your bad temper...

Just feel a bit tired, I does not want to get scream for nothing in the early morning as if I did something wrong.

You know how it feels???

Every time you scream at me, I tell myself "you had get used to it, he is just having morning temper"

Even after I try to convince myself that this is nothing, but my heart still hurts :(

You know I hate to be scream by you, so do you think I will feel good just because I know you don't mean it??

I know it will be hard for you to change those habit..

But for me, can you???

For you, I changed a lot.. I almost change my inner self...

I nearly forgotten who am I..

I really love you very very much! :(

Everyday, things flash by in my mind...

Scenario of you leaving me just flash by...

Everyday, I worried that anytime you might just sms me and say " Let's break up"

I can't take that..

People might say I am crazy or think too much, including you.. :)

Cause I even think how will be like when we married and after we got married :)

But I know you are not confirm that in the future you will want to marry me..

Although every time you show me that expression I know what you mean

but it still hurt me..

I also does not know what I want..

I does not want you to give empty promises,

I does not want you to show me that not confirm expression...

Sorry.. I know you are having a hard time with me..

I just tend to think further because I love to have my own happy family. ^^

That's why I wants to get married young..

Hope you can understand..

And I really wish that my husband will be you..

We had been through so much together..

You know all my secrets, i might know all of yours too...

But I feel that there is nothing you does not know about :)

I have no problem telling you stuff about my family, because you are part of our family ^^

Baby just love you so much that afraid that you will get snatch away by others :(

Wait for me! Next year i will be 18! :)

Wait for me ya~ ^^

Love you! muarks!

Missing you ♥

BabyBoy, I really miss you much! ♥

Everyday I was thinking what you have been doing..

Have you been talking to girls..

Have you meet new girl-friends..

Have you eat your dinner, have you drink plenty of water..

I worry bout you every second..

Even when I was at work, you are still in my mind...

When you told me that you will have only one day to meet me, and I have to wait till next weekend..

This few days I was happily waiting for this week to pass..

Because you told me you will be able to meet me next week..

But I doesn't know what you meant was next weekend..

Last night, we say about friends....

Your words tells me that you can live without those girl-friends...

Are they more important than me?????

Why do you have to keep on text them??

I didn't text my guy-friends because I think that they are not that important..

On my phone, there will be only your name in my Inbox and Outbox... (except family members and girl-ex classmate)

You should know...

I had a habit to check your text message because of the things happen that time..

Hope you can understand and let me do that to make myself feel safe..

I does not want you to go club because I can't go..

I want you to bring me along, not go with your friends and go grind or whatever girls..

You told me you only sit there and drink but sometimes your words says that you had contact with girls..

You will say, is nothing just friends..

But your girl-friends group is getting bigger and bigger without you knowing

"why you bother so much"

This sentence sounds so weird..

This sentence make me feel sad within a second..

I feel that I does not have the right to ask you things..

Why do I feel like hmmmm how to say??

Can't explain it in words..

Too hurtful for me to even think why you say that..

I force myself not to think, but I know myself very well..

I can't..

I always take your hurtful words so serious that I will never forget..

How?

This is me.. The silly me..

I can simply forget those hurtful words and just listen to sweet stuff..

But I just can't change this personality of me..

Miss you so much that everyday, I will look around the house..

I always see memories of us..

The view of us cooking tgt and eat tgt and watch show from funsion tgt..

Now we had lesser time for each other, everything seems to be impossible.

You have work and school I have work..

I can hardly find time to find you because mine is a full time job and you had so much things after your school..

There is no time for me..

I know, I understand..

You need money, You want to earn more money..

Who does not want?

I do!

I am trying very hard to earn money too..

I want to save money for other time..

Because I can't make sure that in the future i might have money to eat..

But I also wish to have time with you..

I feel that I no longer know what you are doing everyday unless I asked..

You longer text me saying "Baby eat (: I eating ... ..."

I no longer know when did you eat and what did you eat..

It had been my habit to text you every time before I start eating and after I eaten..

I will want you to know what I am doing..

I want you to know that I am eating my meals..

I does not want you to worry.

I can't change that now..

From the me that never ask people to eat before I eat till now..

I make big changes for you..

Did you realize it?

I really wish you can spare time to laugh with me and know what I want and how I feel..

I wish you can care for me more..

I feel so lonely everyday..

At work, at home or in my heart..

I was hoping to feel warm once again..

Nothing can make me feel that, Only you ♥

Only you can make me feel safe and warm..

You are the straw to me berry~

Familiar?? :)

Just like the word strawberry,

there can't go without each other, if not they will just be straw and berry..

The combination of them produce sweet and sour fruit that just taste exactly like LOVE.

In a relationship, you would't only experience sweet. You have to be balance between sweet and sour.

Only this will make the relationship last, and also make strawberry so popular..

In the end i just want to say, I LOVE YOU ; DARYLYUENGUODONG! ♥

Prom Night! ♥

Come on everybody! It's Graduation Night! ♥

OK, It's yesterday; 23.11.11

Blogging today cause last night too tired and lazy,,

Haha!

Start from the beginning, wake up in the morning to wake my Mr Piggy up.

After that, rot on bed and went mama shop for bread and Strawberry jam~

Ate Breakfast and do some facial (Bubble mask and real mask[?])..

Meet Yee En and went over to Aini's house to make up ^^

CANDID! :D

Yee En wore make up too but no big difference cause she does not want to obvious..

My make up was the same as usual, nothing different..

Want to know? Show you a pic~

See! Same right?????? hahahaha!

^^

After make up, we went to meet Angela at the bus stop and saw Dan Ying& Gang.. haha

Angela was beautiful!!!!!!!!! Really! I am serious..

Head to school before bus left without us ^^ haha!

Bus getting ready to go~~ ^^

Got on the bus and everyone was excited...

On our way there~

REACHED! ^^

But was drag to the outside to take picture by all of them...

I don't wish to go out actually cause is very hot!

But was still drag out -,-

errrrrrr...

The Book that everyone will receive before going in ^^

This is how it looks like in the inside :)

Form Teacher wrote things on it :D

The stage!

The balloon that was tied on my chair! ^^ Cute~

I nearly fly up.. haha Ooops!

A picture with my balloon~ ^^

Photo with our class noise system! HAHA!

The mask our table decorated.. :)

We win something because of this ^^

Lucky Draw prize!

It was a Angry Bird!

FINALLY! My CERT! ^^

Class Photo!! ^^ haha

Lazy to write much.. :) Want know what happen?

Want see more pictures?

Go see my Facebook :D

I am BACK!

So long since I blog :)

I am back! Miss me? haha! talking to myself! LOLs!

Many things happen within this period of time, there are happy times and also sad times..

Good thing is I had go through all and I am great now ^^

haha! I just love DARYLYUENGUODONG so much! <3

There is times where you make me happy like I am in the heaven,

there is times where you make me sad like I am in hell.

But it all doesn't matter much, because our relationship is strong enough.. ^^ Right?

Sometimes, I think that you are too silly to figure out what I am thinking.

Sometimes, you can't tell that I am angry..

Sometimes, I get angry but you do nothing to it as if nothing happen..

I feel that I does not get the attention I wanted..

But girls is like that, we don't tell you what we expect

The other way round we expect guys to know it and do it..

I was always waiting for surprises and action you will do or words you will say..

But things always don't go the way I wanted..

I does not want to tell your everything, because it make me feel like I am planning for my own surprise.

Don't I sound stupid??????

I do right??? knew it -,-"

I get jealous very easily, you should know it by now..

I allow you to talk to girls, but not too mushy stuff..

And not too often to particular girl!

You should know my pattern ah..

But I know even if I get angry nothing is gonna change..

I can't change the fact that you are damn close you girls..

Where gf can never take it..

If once once or twice is ok, is perfectly fine..

But too often, errrrrrr a bit not nice ah..

Sometimes, is the things and words other person do that make me feel that way..

To you I might be a crazy women that get jealous all day long..

But that's because I don't see you that often, and seems like she see you more than I see you..

When I saw your time-table for work I get angry because I saw you working with her countless times...

Is like most of your time is with her than with me..

Moreover, same school! -,-"

angry die me!! :@

That day, at your house bus stop..

I told you many things, those really is part of the things I feel..

Serious, no fake fake :)

I really had the feeling that anytime I might lose you because of her..

I know you will confirm say that will never happen..

I believed you, but not her..

I am so scared that she will snatch you away from me..

You never know how I feel those weeks..

I am impressed by myself, how I survived through those torturing weeks..

Everyday, I am praying that nothing scary will happen..

I does not want to see nightmare happen again..

I does not want to get that hurt again..

It's too painful to go over again one more time..

I remembered those things because it hurt me so much that I can't forget..

I keep praying that I will not hear those things again..

You will not let me go through all those again right?

I believe you, my cute fat dear dear <3 ^^

Ok, very sleepy already..

Shall go to bed now! ^^

Waking my pig early morning for work tomorrow! ^^

Nights Nights! Love you DarylYuen!

Mr Piggy~ ^^

Heaven to Hell

Was happy when you said you need not work today..

We went shopping at NTUC for ingredients for dinner.

I was looking forward for dinner,

UNTIL, you received a call from colleague saying that she could not cover you.

At that moment I really feel sad and disappointed because I know you will be leaving..

I know you have no choice but that feeling just came suddenly..

Sorry for being cold when you left..

You didn't have much time for me,

that's why every second you have for me I wish to cherish it well.

But didn't expect this to happen..

* 11.11pm*

Wish you will never leave me and love me only. <3

Sorry! :(

I will be more understanding :(

Just that I miss how we go out all the time last time..

Miss the smile on your face..

Miss the laughter we used to have..

Please don't leave me ok?

I always say this because I didn't want that to happen.

I does not want to see this happening the moment I open my eyes,

I heard you talking just now, just that I could not hear you clearly.

I heard you :( really :(

It make me feel sad to see you getting angry :(

I does not know what to do.. :(

You said you will change, I believe you will just that you need some time..

I am willing to wait. :)

Change you temper also ah :(

You get angry too easily le :(

This will make me feel scared to express my feelings..

:(

Nothing much to post today actually...

today will just be a reflecting day for me..

I still need to change a lot,

but I am willing to ^^

Because it's for you :)

LOVE YOU MY ; BABYBOY <3

害怕

每一天都在想我在你眼里到底算什么...

我到底该怎么做你才能把我放在第一位?

你都不知道带给我的伤痛与不安有多少..

我要的是你的疼爱与关怀..

我每天都提心吊胆害怕有人会取代我的位置 :(

我每天都在想我该做什么才能把你留下..

I want you to change because I want our relationship to last..

I can't take all those scolding and stuff anymore..

I apologise does not mean that I am wrong..

I cry does not mean that I am a cry baby.

I didn't argue does not mean that I have no feeling.

I didn't speak up does not mean I does not have pain..

I just swallow all the pain, hurts and sadness in and suffer everything by myself..

Whenever you scold, I just keep quiet and say nothing.

When I wanted something, I didn't force you to buy for me because I know you have financial problem.

But whenever you lend money to your friends I feel that, you cherish your friends more than me..

You rather lend your friends the money than go and eat with me..

I didn't say you have to pay for me, I just need you to bring me out..

I want you to spend more time with me, I need you badly :(

I miss those days where you put me in the first place

I miss those days where you treat me so sweetly

I miss those days where you will bring me out when you are free

I miss those days where you will always spare time for me.

I miss those days where you say you love me everyday

I miss those days.. really..

Do you????

Don't leave me~

You promised me before..

Do you remember your promise?

I remembered..

Hope you can distance away from someone that I don't have good feeling of..

Don't let them have the chance to get in between us hao mah?

Stay strong :(

Don't get tempted :(

Pray hard! :'(